YOU MAY SHART THE BRIDE: Newlywed wrecks expensive wedding dress with bodily function

 

Washington DC, USA

VIJAY SHAH via PAIGE HOLLAND/Daily Mirror

 

A bride in the United States probably gave herself a wedding experience for all the wrong reasons after ruining her GBP £12,000 (USD $15,689) wedding gown when an innocent fart she ‘gambled on’ ended up becoming something much more worse… and smelly, reported British tabloid the Daily Mirror yesterday.

The unnamed woman, according to an account published on popular community website Reddit written by her wedding event planner, had been spending her first day of marital bliss drinking ‘detox shakes’, which had made her feel bloated. She had had some cocktails from the wedding bar, which combined with the health drinks to form a deadly and literally gut-wrenching combination.

grayscale photography of woman covering her mouth
Photo by luiisrtz on Pexels.com

 

Just before her first dance, the bride decided to pass some wind, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. But her body had other ideas, and she ended up excreting copious amounts of diarrhoea, wrecking her expensive “huge, full ball gown” dress in the process.

The wedding planner, known only as “Totally25” on Reddit, said she was first alerted to the impending crisis when a urgent message came in over her headset onsite saying that there was an issue with the bride. Upon meeting with her client, who was about to have her first dance with her new husband, the event planner saw “the most curious blend of expressions pass over the bride’s face”. It was then that the planner’s nose tipped her off as to the reason for the bride’s daisy chain of quirky faces. The planner said: “You can smell her four feet away”. The planner then went on to describe the carnage further. She said that the bride let out “a substance no human body should emit”.

She wrote: “I’m just looking at her manicured nails. Residue of diarrhea are just embedded in her nail bed. I start trying to scrape the poo out with a fabric stain wipe.”

“The diarrhea was everywhere, spread in a thin layer across her body. It may be the most disgusting thing I’ve ever dealt with”, the commenter elaborated. The planner and a few guests tried their best to clean up the newlywed with some tissue paper. Despite the obvious smelly mess the bride found herself in, she insisted that the show must go on.

The planner wrote: “As the groom spun his bride around, hand on her waist, he is squishing the poo up the insides of the waist trainer, up and out the back waistband.

“To our horror, we watch as a oily stain spread across the mid back of the gown. As we are still cringing from this, the groom sets his hand firmly in the middle of the poo stain.”

After the dance, the couple engaged in a traditional American wedding tradition, feeding each other pieces of the wedding cake, but with their hands stained with the wife’s faecal matter. The planner described the ceremony’s participants as both looking ‘repulsed’.

The bride was then taken into a nearby tent to be cleaned up further, with the planner saying on Reddit that she was left “sponging down a sobbing, naked bride, while I questioned every life decision that lead to this point.” The planner helped remove the inner lining of the dress, and the bride was able to return to her wedding slightly less smelly.

The bride, who was described by the anonymous event planner, as somewhat of a difficult ‘bridezilla’ who was very insistent on certain proceedings, had organised the “shabby chic” style wedding to be held in a barn on one of her family’s properties. The barn apparently lacked both running water and electricity. It also had very basic toilet facilities. 

The planner then went on to describe the aftermath: “Dressed again, and offered a Xanax, the bride was little worse for wear, except for missing her dinner. The support tent smelled like a sewer and just was closed for the remainder of the event. The groom was a sport, never directly saying anything, but asking if we could cancel the garter toss as he didn’t really want to go under her skirt.”

Thankfully, despite the bride’s epic shart, the photographer was able to secure good photos of the wedding for the couple and a bridal magazine, while the event planner left with some equally powerful memories.

 

SOURCES:

Daily Mirror, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/dailymirror/

“Bride ruins £12k dress on wedding day when she ‘gambled on fart and lost in big way’ ” – Paige Holland, Mirror/MGN Limited (24 January 2020) https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/bride-ruins-12k-dress-wedding-21349958

“[Serious] Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? What happened?” – Totally25, r/AskReddit/reddit https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/42rw7z/serious_did_you_ever_attend_a_wedding_that_was_a/czdetbs/

IMAGE CREDIT:

luiisrtz/Pexels.

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