I’m a bit chubby myself, but not to the level of the orangutan up above. With my working life, doing two jobs, it’s very hard to find time to do exercise, especially since half of my family are doing sessions at the gym, but I try to sneak in some exercise whenever I can. And I don’t eat pies very often.
Drugs are horrible substances. Whether legal or illegal, recreational narcotics usually cause harm to the body, damaging the user from the inside and out. So instead of sniffing that line or hitting that pipe, why not tuck into some Mauritian-style dhal puri instead. You’ll look a million rupees, and you won’t have to worry about the police pulling you over and busting you for illicit dhal puri possession.
For those who have never encountered the awesomeness that is dhal puri, let me explain. This is a snack popular on the island of Mauritius and an unforgettable part of my island’s culinary landscape. It is unleavened bread (rather like a chapati or thick tortilla) filled with lentils and spices, and often consumed as street food. Also known as ‘dhol/dhall puri’, this food goes great with a dollop of ‘zasar’ (pickle).
Your mission….should you choose to accept it….is to look at the spy code matrix from CIA special ops below and locate the missing girl. We believe her last known whereabouts to have been in Calabasas, California. You have all the time in the world. Feel free to make a coffee, and get me one too while you’re there. Two sugars and milky por favor. The world’s safety….and eardrums…are at stake!!
Apologies in advance to any fans of a certain mischievous Canadian pop singer….or spelling pedants. The CIA data operatives are so busy crunching code they barely have time to read their secret service-approved dictionaries.
This message probably won’t self-destruct in the next 10 seconds. What am I?….an anarchist!
Today’s Humour Moment comes from a submission volunteered by my friend and colleague Noor. He works with me at our events and conferences company based in Euston, London. He originally comes from India and is a graduate in computer sciences and engineering from the University of Madras, in the south Indiancity of Chennai. He speaks fluent Tamil and is a big fan of cats. He is also a technological whizzkid and once hacked into his Farmville account on a social media site and awarded himself $2 million. I have known him for around five years, since his branch of the department I currently work in relocated from their old offices in Oxford Circus, also in London, and merged with my division. He is an awesome friend, always smiling and yet still working as hard as ever. I dedicate this article to him. He loves to tell and share jokes…although granted some of them are not really to my taste, he certainly knows how to tickle a funnybone.
This Humour Moment is a lightly amusing story of a washer man and his dog and donkey. One night the animal duo are confronted by a thief while their owner is sleeping. There is a valuable lesson in the story which might be applicable to certain employees and their managers in the working world.
A washer man had a dog and a donkey.
One night when the washer man and his family was sleeping the dog and donkey happened to be awake, when a thief managed to sneak in.
The dog decided not to bark as he thought that the washer man was not taking due care of him anyway and this was his perfect chance to teach his master a lesson.
The donkey, indefatigably loyal to the master, could not remain a mute spectator to the thief’s arrival and advised the dog to bark, but the dog wouldn’t. The dog refused to change his mind and insisted that he would not make even a whimper as the master was not treating him well and this was the right time to take revenge on the master.
The donkey soon realised that he had to do something about this himself and started braying. This made the thief flee the house in fright however it woke up the washer man and his family.
The master did not find any reason for the donkey to be braying in the middle of the night and hence started telling off the donkey.
Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own
Another Version of the Story:
The washer man is an MBA graduate from a premium management school. He wants to investigate the reason behind the braying of the donkey as it seemed very unusual to him.
He finds some footprints and concludes that there was an intruder, probably a thief. Satisfied with his investigations, the washer man rewards the donkey with some lush green hay in gratitude.
Life does not change much for the dog, but now the washer man starts liking the donkey more and starts expecting more from him in exchange of further gifts of green hey which keeps enticing the donkey into being more responsible. The washer man starts giving the donkey some more tasks, thus increasing his burden of work.
The days pass on and the donkey one day discovers that he is doing most of the tasks for the washer man whereas the dog is just lazing around. But now he couldn’t really complain because he has to maintain his rank of being the best and favoured of all the washer man’s pets.
The donkey is now known to be thinking of quitting the washer man’s duties and relocating to the local animal shelter…
This Saturday’s Humour Moment is dedicated to the cheesy joke. These are the sort of mildly hilarious jokes that make you titter and groan in equal measure. Humour-wise they smell worse than an entire overturned lorry of Stinking Bishop fromage on the North Circular, but are incredibly useful for entertaining the little ones as they grapple with their Cheestrings, Babybels and Dairylea Lunchables.
This picture was originally published by the Co-operative group of companies from the U.K. The Co-operative Group is an ethical company that is involved in various services such as funeral care, insurance, banking and retail. It was shared on the Twitter account of the Co-operative’s Food division which runs a chain of low-cost supermarkets in Britain. The Co-Operative Food are running a competition for ‘Tell A Joke Day’ where customers are invited to contribute their own food-related jokes, with the best ‘culinary comedian’ receiving a voucher entitling them to a discount on their groceries. Employees and shoppers often affectionately call the institution the ‘Co-Op’ for short, and their supermarkets are a well-loved and long-established face on the British high street. I used to live in Forest Gate (east London) for two years and our nearest supermarket was a Somerfield branch in Woodgrange Road. The Co-Op bought the Somerfield chain in around 2009, and the Somerfield stores took on the conglomerate’s branding and shopfront design. I always found their food to be cheap and usually of high quality although there was not much choice in the Woodgrange store, due to its smaller than average size. I began following their Twitter account a year after I moved out of Forest Gate for nostalgic reasons.
While not the biggest fan of cheesy jokes, I would rarely say no to a warm bowl filled to the brim with cheesy nachos drizzled with salsa and herby sauce. When I was working at my old office in Victoria, central London, a group of us colleagues would visit a local pub, the Witton Arms, where we would share our company with a complimentary bowl of nachos infused with melted cheddar, salsa and chopped jalapenos. I relished these nachos, as the softness and creamy taste of the melted cheese was an intriguing contrast with the crunchy texture of the crisps. The salsa helped to give a Mexican taste sensation with its spicy tomato aroma contrasting the more subdued flavours of the cheesy nachos. The nachos were high in demand as the beers made us hungry and were a good conversation starter as well as a food starter – although thankfully not the inspiration for any dodgy jokes. I haven’t yet tried to make this delicious, yet simple Mexican dish at home, but I can tell you this sort of snack would be ideal for any party, especially birthdays and informal get-togethers. Goes great with movie nights too, so you can give the popcorn and microwave a rest.
Here’s a bunch of more incredibly lame cheese themed jokes that will melt your mind….: