HUMOUR MOMENT: The Looter’s Prayer

Here’s a little something that I posted on Facebook way back in August 2011 (five years ago). To give you some context first, at that time riots and widespread looting was happening across the UK. The riots first started in my city, London, after a man was shot dead by police in questionable circumstances. The riots soon spread to other major cities. I posted this as a tongue-in-cheek joke and was not intended as a slur against any age or religious group.

It is the Lord’s Prayer reimagined for the rioting classes, and here we have…. the Looter’s Prayer. May the (police) force be with you!

 

The Looters Prayer

Our father who art in prison, my mum knows not his name.
Thy rioting done, you’ll read in the Sun, in Birmingham as it is in London.
Give us this day our welfare bread & forgive us for looting, as we forgive those who give Asbos against us.
…Lead us not into employment but deliver us free housing,
for thine is the petrol bomb, the plunder & all it’s glories,
forever & ever,..

 

 

IMAGE CREDIT:
“A chavvy Christmas: Mary and Joe turn burglars in school’s Nativity study” – Press Team, Mail Online News/Daily Mail/Daily Mail, The Mail on Sunday & Metro Media Group/Associated Newspapers Ltd (10 December 2008) http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1093148/A-chavvy-Christmas-Mary-Joe-turn-burglars-schools-Nativity-study.html

HUMOUR MOMENT: Find the phone

 

 

Somewhere around this ornate and flowery carpet, a mobile phone has been hidden in an act of masterful disguise. When this image was posted on Facebook, several commenters said it took them anywhere between 5 and 40 minutes to spot the well-hidden gadget. Before I posted this, I tried searching for the phone myself, but without success. So, HEM fans, let’s see if you can find the mobile. Answers in comments, please.

IMAGE CREDITS:
Macie Phillips via Washim Baulam.
Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/

THOUGHT MOMENT: Washing the dishes

 

To answer the question, yes, I still do wash dishes and cutlery by hand. At home we have a dishwasher, but it doesn’t work and the landlord has stuffed it full of shopping bags for reasons best known to him. I am very good at it as well, leaving utensils more sparkling than the glasses in the Finish dishwasher tablet TV adverts. 

How about you?. Feel free to sahre (sorry, share) this post and who knows, you may win a squeezy bottle of Fairy liquid or something.

IMAGE CREDITS:
Pearl Holmes.
For ladies only, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/groups/4ladie/
Suzanne Chaplin Nungesser.

 

HUMOUR MOMENT: Don’t do drugs, do dhal puri

 

 

Drugs are horrible substances. Whether legal or illegal, recreational narcotics usually cause harm to the body, damaging the user from the inside and out. So instead of sniffing that line or hitting that pipe, why not tuck into some Mauritian-style dhal puri instead. You’ll look a million rupees, and you won’t have to worry about the police pulling you over and busting you for illicit dhal puri possession.

For those who have never encountered the awesomeness that is dhal puri, let me explain. This is a snack popular on the island of Mauritius and an unforgettable part of my island’s culinary landscape. It is unleavened bread (rather like a chapati or thick tortilla) filled with lentils and spices, and often consumed as street food. Also known as ‘dhol/dhall puri’, this food goes great with a dollop of ‘zasar’ (pickle).

IMAGE CREDITS:
Fano Miasta.
Radio Plus – Mauritius/Ile-Maurice, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/groups/radioplusilemaurice/

CANINE VISUAL CHALLENGE: Find the sleeping Pluto

 

Now here’s a Bank Holiday challenge for you here at the Half-Eaten Mind. We took an unscheduled trip to Disneyland and enlisted the help of the ever excitable Pluto. All you need to do to pass this challenge is to look at the sea of happy dog faces above. However, one of the dogs appears to have fallen asleep in the parade. We can’t seem to figure which one of these adorable cartoon pooches has dropped off to Noddyland, so can you find it?

Feel free to leave your answer in the comments section. All the best!

IMAGE CREDITS:
Via Annie Wiebe and Marie Hiles.

VIDEO MOMENT: Gigglebiz

 

 

This little lad has an unbelievable laugh.

Share this with a mate who laughs funny.

Hurr-hurr-durr-durr…. snooooort!!

 

VIDEO CREDITS:
Alia Hellz Bachell.
America’s Funniest Home Videos, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/AFV/
UNILAD, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/uniladmag/

 

HUMOUR MOMENT: The chilled-out pooch you can chill with

 

As a news blog, this would be a very appropriate Humour Moment to feature today. The world’s coolest dog quits his lame-ass town to hit the road in a quest for a ‘chill place and even chiller owner to chill with’. It seems even the news channel has gotten chilled so much that they’ve let their proof-reading slip. There’s two ‘ands’ in the yellow ticker at the bottom of the image.

I wish this totally cool dog finds the chillest place to chill out at, and maybe even a warm dish of chilli con carne waiting for him too. Chillaxtastic!!

 

IMAGE CREDITS:
Dehbia Saber.
I don’t like s**t, I don’t go outside, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/IdleSuicidal/

HUMOUR MOMENT: The hare and the tortoise

 

What would probably have happened if the hare and tortoise were to have their fabled race in today’s modern era. Slow and corrupt surely wins the race.

IMAGE CREDITS:
Cheng Sinzhan.
Radio Plus – Mauritius/Ile-Maurice, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/groups/radioplusilemaurice/

VIDEO MOMENT: Gangster Crab

 

You’ve probably met the hermit crab, the seashore crab and the hairy mitten crab. Now say hello to the gangster crab. This is not one to be tussled with.

This video, from the Facebook page of DJ VLADER, a disc jockey who has worked with Snoop Dogg and won the DJ Award five times, features the hand of an extremely brave soul attempting to disarm a gangster crab somewhere in eastern Europe. The crab, however, is not up for donating to the local knife amnesty and uncannily wields the blue-handled blade to stop probably becoming the seafood special for that day. Collecting crabs in buckets on the beach doesn’t seem so fun now.

VIDEO CREDITS:
Alia Hellz Bachell.
DJ VLADER, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/djvlader/
“About DJ VLADER” – DJ VLADER, Facebook, Facebook Inc. https://www.facebook.com/djvlader/info/?tab=overview